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Wednesday 3 December 2014

BREAKING UP WITH A BREAKUP


To everyone who has now come to the bitter realisation that relationships and everything we expect of them are evidently … bullshit; this post is for you.
I realise that girls giving girls "relationship advice" is also like the blind leading the blind, we're all great at giving it but useless at following it. This time however I have tried to stick to my own advice and it seems to be working so I thought I'd enlighten you as well.



I have nothing against relationships, it’s just … I feel we can never live up to, y’know … Cinderella?
Life is not a fairy tale, if you lose your shoe at mid-night, you’re definitely just too drunk.
I love Disney films, but they leave out all the ‘real stuff’. We’ve been promised a happy ever after from about the age of 3; not crying ourselves in to a state of hysteria hugging a pillow.  It’s slightly ... shit.
Its not being a cynic, it's being realistic.
Even Disney, the ones who conned us all along, have now realised they were wrong. What about Brave, Frozen, Maleficent? Who needs boys? According to these we don’t. (If you haven’t seen them yet: DO.) Seriously though, if you think about it, we’re young, have a lifetime of opportunity ahead of us … our boobs will never look as good as they do now. We really don’t need to waste our time crying over boys who don’t want us or treat us badly and for that matter, any boy at all.                   

If you find your perfect lad, great. If you haven’t yet … so what?
The point is though, in these new Disney creations love is found within your family and friends. (awwww)
Heart-warming isn’t it? And true. I love my family and friends and I'm assuming you do as well. (double awwww)
SO without further ado. Here's my proposed list of things to do to help you forget about your EX.                      
SOCIAL MEDIA
Now usually, people say, delete them from all social media. Out of sight, out of mind, right? 

WRONG.
We all know we’re never going to full heartedly commit to this. If you want to, go for it. It saves you plowing through their Facebook looking for something, anything to drive yourself insane over ... 
Then again, if you delete them is that really it? You'll never see their name again? Never see a photo, status, tweet, snap, update of their whereabouts, update of relationship status, update of anything ever to do with your dreaded ex? You'll never get curious and slyly unblock them and then search their name every chance you get, cheating yourself and defying the whole point of you blocking them in the first place. Still able to see their Facebook profile, still able to find their tweets, still able to make yourself ultimately MISERABLE over anything you find? Social media friends or not ... You will still end up miserable.
It's inevitable. At first. 
And girls have this skill to turn ANYTHING in to something.
You will drive yourself crazy. Cyber friends or not; it will make no difference what so ever. Even if you don't go digging for dirt yourself, they have friends, you have friends, people talk, and does the "can I use your Facebook for one second to search someone?" sound familiar? Yeh ... You're not gaining anything by blocking them, so don't.
Keep them there.
STOP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BEING 'PSYCHO EX GIRLFRIEND' THOUGH.

We've all done it but ... yea, you'll regret sending them 45 drunk messages, I promise you. You'll feel silly for those bitchy status'/tweets. 
Don't look like you care even though you maybe do. No one else cares about your relationship so DO NOT be that girl. Please. Soon the cyber stalking will stop and eventually it will be them cyber stalking you.
The glory of social media? You can lie.
Boys stalk too. They care.  Unfortunately we don't have switches to switch off emotions. If they did really have feelings for you then guess what? They will care ... they just won't be showing it. 
Let's have a think. Why is it that us girls always seem to have our knickers in a twist over boys and our breakups? Why do the girls seem to "care more"? IT'S BECAUSE BOYS.DON'T.SHOW.THEY CARE.
and we hate it.
Silence. Is in fact, louder than words.
So LIE, let them see how much of a fun life you're having. How well you're doing. How much better your life is without them. (It might not be a lie. Personally, I started out pretending then I realised I wasn't pretending anymore. Suddenly I was much happier, had a lot more going on in my life, and my life was just ... better.)
To the outside world, try appear like the strong, independent, sassy, single woman. You are. If you don't feel like you are, you've just forgotten.
GET DRUNK
Not usually the most reccomendable of things but you're going to do it anyway so yeah, go out. Have fun.
Do whatever the hell you want but just leave your phone out of it. Drunk texting at 2am? Nothing good ever came out of that.
Just let your hair down and have a good time. Distract yourself.
If you end up crying in a cubicle surrounded by your friends and some random drunk girl you just met telling you how beautiful you are and how much of a douche he is, so? You'll laugh about it in the morning. You're never down for long when you're in good company and even if you do get the post-breakup-drunk-jitters, it's nothing a nice greasy kebab and pizza won't sort out!
FOOD 
Bye bye to starving yourself all day just so you don't look bloated in your underwear or ordering a salad to appear like you're really in to your fitness and would never order anything fatty or carby, even though all you want to do is grab that nice, big, greasy burger ya boyf is munching on. (I've done this once by the way and it was so depressing and unsatisfying I actually wanted to eat him as well as my salad.)
Eat yourself in to a glorious food coma with your pals. Order a domino's. Go for a meal. Get loads of sweets and watch 10 episodes of your fave series back to back because well ... YOU CAN! who's going to judge you?
You've got no one to impress now, whack a onesie on and chill out.
BUT
Don't let yourself go.


Ugly nights are great, there's nothing better than slouching around having a bit time off from life, looking your absolute worst but make sure you give yourself a little me-time.
Paint your nails, do your tan, just because you're single now doesn't mean you can't shave your legs, change your hair, go shopping (worry about the damage to your bank account later), spend a little time on yourself. Make yourself feel nice.
If you feel good, you'll look good and you'll feel more positive about things. If you feel good, you'll want to go out more, you'll feel more confident AND you never know who you might bump in to.
Sods law, you'll go somewhere looking a bit meh and oh look, there's your ex.
TINDER
Who's not on Tinder these days?
Just a bit of fun really, and it'll keep you occupied. You'd be surprised how much of a howl it can be and welllllllll ... can you call it getting back on the dating scene? Probably not but who cares?
Swipe away ladies.
GYM
Go to the gym. Stop crying over him and make him cry because he doesn't have your freshly squatted plumped up buttocks, anymore.
Exercise releases happy hormones and it gives you something to do. Take up classes, start a hobby, go for runs, anything!
It sounds so simple but the worst thing you can do is sit in the house and wallow around in your own gloom and doom.
Get fit, feel better. Simple. If you're angry, take it out in the gym. If you're sad, run it off in the gym. If you're just sick of thinking, go sweat it all out in the gym. Whack on some 'feel good' tunes and you'll be happy as Larry.
GET A PET
I realise this is really strange but if you can. Get a pet. Why not devote all your time, love and affection in to something small, cute and fluffy who won't ever cheat on you or call you nasty names?
I got my cat 'Kitty' when I split up with my ex and I can safely say that was my best ever life choice to date. I live in University accommodation. We aren't allowed pets. I live with 4 other people but me being me, I wanted a kitten so went ahead and got one despite breaking our tenancy agreement, being allergic and not asking permission from the other residences. (Probably not my wisest and definitely my most selfish move but WHO could say no to her? she's perfect and if my most selfish decision in life was to get a cute, cuddly kitten I can't be doing too bad.) Of course they all LOVE her, despite pretending not to and our land lord, still to this date, does not know. WINNING.  
Animals are so funny and have cute little ways of cheering you up. I don't know if like dogs, cats pick up on emotions too but little Kitty definitely seems like she does. She's so soothing and therapeutic to watch/cuddle.
NETFLIX
You're welcome.
BE PRODUCTIVE
When you first break up with someone, yes it can be hard but you can't let one person stop you from living your life. It's really not worth it and one day you'll look back and wonder why you ever cared. I've always said that things have a funny way of sorting their self out and time is the best healer but why not fill that time with a bunch of productive things to help sort your life out yourself?
Example: When I broke up with my ex. I literally, was in a rut. Instead of just slouching about though and feeling sorry for myself I took a look at my life and thought "nah. this isn't good enough ... I need to sort myself out" and I did.
Yes, I went out and got drunk, had friends round, had a few tears, downloaded Tinder, bought a cat, blah blah blah but I needed time for myself. I'd totally forgot about what was REALLY important.
I'm not going to sit and slag my ex off. From every relationship, you learn something new. Even the bad ones, you learn something. As it happens, I'm actually good friends with my ex now, it's a shame to lose people who were once your everything. (Keep in mind though, not everyone is a loss.)
Take up old or new hobbies. Everyone has that one thing they LOVE to do but don't do enough. Mines dance. DO IT! Get involved. Find a job, get a new job, work harder at your current job. Learn a new skill, I wanted to lifeguard so I took up a life guarding course. Try hard at school, uni or college, push yourself. Try new things. Apply for things, audition for things, get yourself out there, keep yourself busy! 


Meet new people, have a look at the people and things in your life and evaluate them. Who's making you happy? What's not making you happy? What's holding you back?



If things need changing, change them, because no one else is going to.
You make your own happiness.
I read a quote saying "The only person you need to be better than is the person you were yesterday", it's true.
Find yourself again, forget your boy probs and hopefully with a bit of luck you'll be back to yourself in no time.