MY TOXIC RELATIONSHIP

I'm writing a feature about toxic relationships for a university project and it got me thinking about a past experience, I realise this is a little more personal but maybe you can relate!
...

I’d always been a one for things that are bad for me, y’know, drinking too much, staying out too late, the naughty crowd at school, carbs, and it turns out my taste in boys wasn’t much different, I loved a bad boy and to be really honest I was never a big fan of all the lovey-dovey stuff, it never really appealed. Maybe that was because I had been hurt before or because I was much more concerned with going out with the girls and having a good time. I’d never had a real relationship, I’d “dated” but the sparks never lasted long and they were always the wrong sort of boy. Typical me. I should have known though that if you play with fire it’s only so long until you get burnt.

ANOTHER CASE OF 'NICE GUY SYNDROME'

Recently I've seen a lot of hate directed towards girls from men, or should I say ... boys, on social media especially. I feel as a young woman myself, we put up with a lot of, well, shit basically, from the opposite sex; and at times it feels like we just can't win. 

Yesterday I seen "man" post a link of the photo below posted by another "man", with plenty more "men" jumping on the band wagon in the comments. It went a long the lines of saying all girls complain of not being able to find a nice boy and girls need to get over themselves because nice boys do exist but we think we're too good for them, it then went on to say that with out make up and fake hair and nice clothes and sucky-in pants and fake tan that we are actually all really ugly too so we're no better than anyone and we have no right to be choosy because we're actually naturally ugly so ugly people should take what they get.

RIVER ISLAND INTERVIEW

For as long as I can remember I've wanted to work at River Island 1) because I spend all my student loan in there and 2) I'd have no problem picking out the uniform. 

After my trip around America, it came to my attention that I am very very very poor. Not poor as in your friends ask you to go out and you say "oh no I can't, I have literally £3 in my bank" but really you have about like ... £50, you're just playing it safe, not that kind of poor, oh no. Literally, I have £3 in my bank, currently, right now. So, safe to say, I not only want but I need a job. 

THINGS WE PAY 9 GRAND A YEAR FOR AT UNI

Many students often ponder the question of "we pay £9000.00 tuition fee a year but what does the money actually go towards?", well fellow students ... I think I've sussed the answer!

CAMP IN VIDEO

Here's some videos from my summer, made by the kids actually!

I feature in this (as the screaming girl) with my best camp friend Dale (the scottish one in the TOWANDA shirt) 

YAY TOWANDA

REMINISCING

So camp, a lot harder than what I expected but also a LOT more rewarding. I loved the kids, I had never taught but I actually loved teaching, I loved it all but it was hard. Me as a person I'm very ... I'm a big kid really, not the most serious of people, In fact I'm the least serious person you could meet; camp on the other hand - very serious. Do the math! However, it was a challenge and I feel I was opened up to a lot of experiences, challenges, things and people I wouldn't have usually been and that was great, I definitely learnt a lot! 

I did keep a journal, how very American of me? That's nice, maybe I'll look through it and post stuff on here. If you want to know my favourite memory though or at least one of them, it would have to be teaching one of the little 7 year olds to swim. A non teacher teaching a non swimmer to swim, and she told her mam and then she showed her dad when he came to pick her up and her little friends said I was a good teacher and then when she left, I got a little letter in the post saying thank you. That was cool, very cool.

This video tells you a bit about what Ballibay is! 

Found this post I was in the middle of writing at camp. Kept it

Had an amazing day at camp.  Just finished a brilliant radio show with the G8 girls (15-16 year olds) after spending all day radioing with the cute, little 6 year olds ... absolutely hilarious! They are literally, miny comedians... Feeling much more confident on the Radio now and got a few good groups really interested in regular shows so I'm enjoying working on them with them, it's so fun to be part of.

Does doing the dance to Cotten-eye Joe with a bunch of kids count as a lesson though? Or listening to the Gummy bear song? I dunno ...

THE KIDS ARE HERE

The kids are here. 

God, wasn't prepared for this at all. This camp is a lot like a school so it's pretty intense schedules. I barely know how to teach, undoubtably doing everything wrong but I am enjoying it. It's a breath of fresh air and the people I've met here are great, already got some stories. 

By far going to be the hardest thing I've done in my life so far but looking forward to it - CAMP SO FAR

So - I am actually at ... band camp. "This one time, at band camp.." is gunna get said a lot this summer!

The camp I'm at is performing arts, basically everything theatre, art, band, acting, singing, musical, performance, dance, is here. It's like a miniature musical. I'm living in a musical. Currently right now I'm sat listening to Frozen and in the building next to me is a band playing up town funk. It's pretty cool!!

I feel, in a weird way, connected to my child hood cause I loved drama and stuff as a kiddy wink. It's such a nice environment to be living in. Okay so I'll keep this quick because I am currently skiving and my day off commences in a few hours so I'm looking forward to go venturing around PA soon but for anyone interested, this is just a bit about what's happened the last week here at Camp and how I'm getting on and stuff. 

I know, I had a lot of concerned warnings from friends that know me a bit too well before I left, telling me to basically try and not kill myself or get myself kidnapped or something. so far, I'm all good. A few mishaps but I'm alive. 

Severly sleep deprived, jet lagged, very emotional, very excited, a hoodie and a bag of makeup down - I've arrived at camp

So I have arrived. Touch down!!

Actually, I arrived last Friday - as promised, it was nothing short of eventful. 

From the beginning then? Well it all started with a big finale night out with pals, that was great ... Until I skipped a nights sleep completely forgetting the next day I was moving out AND moving in. Absolute nightmare. Hungover, still in last nights make up, stressed, trying to clean up our doss house of a student house and bulking all my stuff across the street. The good news? The new house is gorgeous but in the process we were given the wrong keys, had a few arguments, I fell down the stairs and nearly killed myself but overall the move went okay and I had a lovely send off with my friends. NO TEARS. But none the less, very emotional!!

I also had a lovely send off night with family. Very spoilt with lovely gifts and it was nice to see everyone for the last time in a 3 months - again, very emosh - but sadly, that's where all the niceties end. Well, at least for a little while. 

BIG TICK FOR NIKE

The last pair of trainers I bought, I was 11 years old. (shameful I know) and yesterday I Threw them away. I must have graduated from jelly shoes straight in to whatever felt comfortable or heels that I didn't know how to walk in - for whatever reason I skipped trainers. 

I do enjoy sports but never realised the importance of having a GOOD pair of trainers. From what I gather, it's very important! Probably half the reason I have a gammy foot is down to not wearing a half decent pair when I've been running about and what not, so yesterday I vowed for a change and off on a hunt for a companion trainer shoe I went.

"I DID NOT SELL MY UNDERWEAR"

As if by magic (the internet) I stumbled across a big clang of people on the same flight as me and the same camp as me. Ideal.

Been chatting to a few people, getting really excited now. Already decided on a huge p*ss up in the airport. (Because the legal age in America is 21 to drink) meaning I am, dun dun dun, BACK to being underage. Not sure how I feel about that. I'm thinking I'll come back the healthiest human on earth, totally detoxed. That should be nice, refreshing. 

SIMPLE HAIR HACKS YOU NEED TO KNOW.

Hair is literally the bane of my life, as I'm sure it is for many other girls. 

It just never seems to go, y'know ... right. Most of the time resulting in it being shoved up in a pony tail or left to hang like a sack of potatoes.

... Is that the right metaphor to use?  

Anyway, here are some hair hacks you 100% need to try.

They look effortless AND literally require no effort at all, win/win!

RENT OVER BOOB JOBS - MY THOUGHTS ON MONEY BEFORE CAMP

Just paid 2 months rent and a deposit for a new house ...

Managed to somehow get the landlord agree to let me pay 4 months rent in september (when I'm back from America) even though I move in, in a few weeks. Don't ask how!

I signed the payment schedule and the first thing I notice? 

The amount of rent for a year totals to 3 boob jobs. 

Just todays thoughts on money. Currently selling everything I own on ebay. This could be fun. Oh well, any person who has traveled before has told me not to worry about money and just make it work so, I'm not even questioning if that's good advice or not, partially because I don't have a choice so I'm just hoping they're right! 

MY JOURNEY SO FAR

4 weeks. That's it.

Still got a list as long as my arm of things to do. Titchy bit stressed but it will all be worth it!

I heard my camp has loads of cats. This excites me so much. Imagine if I seen Kitty there (my cat that got put on gumtree)? 

Just been thinking really in depth about the whole camp america thing and my journey so far. 

(haha journey) I still laugh every time I say that but that's what it's been, a big emotional journey!!!

MA LIPSTICK IS POPPIN'

Lil Kim wrote a full song once about lip gloss... Rightfully so.

Recently I have become obsessed with lips, more specifically: Lipstick.

And it's all about the MAC MAC MAC!!

Mac has taken the beauty industry by storm, it's everywhere and after being a fan for quite some time I think it's time I do a post about some of my mac faves. (Instead of just hounding instagram with photos of my lips.) 

5 WEEKS UNTIL LIFT OFF

A blog on a blog? That's what this is, right? So that makes this my first blog post on the Camp America seactioooon (say that the way its spelled, for a few shits and gigs) of this blog. This is literally from day one of my Camp America journey. So, it would be amazing if you could, how do I say this without sounding really cheesy? I don't think I can really - Oh well - Americans love a bit (a lot) of cheese, let's all have a really cheesy moment together and I'll just sound like a big old American cheese ball and say it: THIS IS MY CAMP AMERICA JOURNEY, WHY DON'T YA'LL COME ALONG WITH ME.

I think I exceeded my expectations of cheese there, that was literally mature cheddar with a slice of melted mozzarella on top. Mmmm!!

11 TIMES IAN SOMERHALDER WAS HOTTER THAN YOUR BOYFRIEND

LIEBSTER AWARD TAG

50 RANDOM THOUGHTS

Hi guys.

I'm bored.

So, I'm going to write down the first 50 random thoughts that come to my head.

To read, It costs 1p. You can leave your donation below. 

SOON TO BE AN OFFICIAL CRIMINAL OFFENCE IN THE UK

www.capitalotc.com/via google

Sharing of intimate photos without the pictured individuals permission is soon to become illegal later this year.

People found guilty of sharing intimate photos or videos of others with intent to cause harm could soon be looking at up to two years imprisonment.  

This law is said to cover content both on and offline. By definition revenge porn content is that of "photographs or films which show people engaged in sexual activity or depicted in a sexual way or with their genitals exposed, where what is shown would not usually be seen in public." 

BOYS AND MAKEUP

No, this post isn't about boys wearing make-up. 

It's about how utterly, atrociously, disgustingly brain dead and hypocritical they are regarding make-up.

rulenta.com

 Obviously, if a boy knew more about contouring and lip balm than me  - I'd probably be slightly concerned but recently I've noticed a few things: They are literally clueless.

There's two types of directions this tends to take:

1) You get the boys who think we wake up with perfect skin and sparkly eyelids. 

2) You get the boys who sit and slate makeup and claim they prefer the "natural" look. 

Any boy who says "you look better without makeup" doesn't really mean without makeup. They mean what they THINK is no make up but in actual fact, we're still wearing a considerable amount. I can't  wear ZERO make-up without being asked several times if I'm ill.

Obviously their is a certain species of female that do look human without a bit slap on (not me) but to say someone looks BETTER w without ANY make-up is complete and utter poppycock.

THINGS WE ALL DO IN PUBLIC TOILETS (BUT WON'T ADMIT)

Just a few thoughts I've had during past few cubicle visits.
Don't lie - We all do them.

• THE RING

memecentre.com

FROM BROWN TO BLONDE TO BLONDE TO BROWN

I don't find going to the hairdressers relaxing. I find it stressful. 

If they're not scalping you they're dying your hair some random colour you didn't ask for or pushing products/treatments on you that you don't need or want. 

The biggest scare your hair faces is of course transitioning from brown to blonde. Not to fear, I have done this transition many a time. Call me your hairy god mother. 

I got told by a lot of hairdressers to "grow it out." Grow.it.out. Don't they realise how LONG that would take? Of course they do, they're hairdressers!

What self-hair-respecting person would wait years to just GROW it out?

THE BIG TWO ZERO

On the 3rd of the 3rd I turned 20. Adult, officially ... (apparently.) So I have decided to write about my transition from teenie weenie teenager in to fully fledged, responsible, adult. You can apply inverted commas if you like. 

PET PEEVES OF NEWCASTLE

1. Sluts. Sluts calling other sluts sluts. Male and female. There's male sluts calling other male sluts, female sluts calling male sluts, male sluts calling female sluts, pro sluts calling the amateur sluts sluttier sluts than they are sluts, but the fact is they're all sluts. No it's not a nice word but it's becoming more evident every second, especially in Newcastle, that romance is dead. 

If you want a romance like they had in the 60's where you went on dates to carnivals and the boy asked to kiss you or serenaded you from your window at 2am then read a book or watch Grease because it's rarer than fairy dust now and that is because of all these IN DENIAL SLUTS. 

Admit you a hoe or just be nice to each other.

REVENGE PORN

These days we don’t need to be anywhere in the radius of an object or a person to be able to see them … all we need is a phone. Possessing this small but powerful, nifty, little device enables anyone anywhere to see everyone and everything that’s found its way on to the World Wide Web; which incase you haven't noticed, is quite big.

Whether it’s Instagram ‘cheeky Nandos’ posts (yes I know there is nothing cheeky about chicken) or Facebooks ‘no makeup selfies’, mobile phones come armed with cameras. Gone are the days of disposable cameras or video cassette tapes, nowadays a quick click on an app snaps up footage in seconds, and just a few more clicks uploads that image or video to anywhere the uploader desires.

A new term I’ve come across lately a lot in the media is ‘revenge porn’. Sounds scary doesn't it? Referring back to what I said in the first sentence, you no longer need to be plonked naked as sin, smack bang in front of your man for him to be able to see you in all your glory. I say ‘in front of your man’ because 90% of revenge porn victims are women. A quick naked selfie sent over for “his eyes only” or maybe your once trusted male companion shooting a hand held home movie now results in all the power being held literally … in his hands. Or her hands, including the 10% of females seeking revenge through the lens of a camera.

And we wonder why there are so many trust issues in modern day relationships?

HOW MANY PEOPLE WOULD LIKE YOU IF EVERYONE WAS BLIND?

Yesterday I met a woman who is blind. Now, up until she was actually sat in front of me, it never occurred to me that I hadn’t even ever spoken to a blind person before or what it entailed to be blind. Imagine not being able to see? The whole time we were speaking to her that’s all I kept thinking. We met this woman because we are doing a short documentary about her and also about guide dogs - excuse the irony but it really was a massive eye opener.

WHY VALENTINES DAY IS OVER RATED?

Valentines Day. If couples and public displays of affection weren’t agonising and annoying enough every other day of the year … this day really does rub the salt in wound for fellow singletons. By no means am I a cynic, everyone likes a little romance, right? I just don’t think a heart shaped box filled with cheap chocolates picked up from card factory for 99p and an overly sized teddy bear that will ultimately be abandoned  and neglected once the endorphin filled day loses all its glory (only to return a year later) classes as romance. It isn’t romantic if you’re told you have to do something just because we feel we have to.

Cliché single person thing to say but if someone really did care about you, they would show you they did more than once a year or at least off their own back, not just make an excessive effort on one over commercialised, over rated, money grabbing ‘holiday’. I really don’t understand what all the fuss is about personally, especially when you see couple after couple crammed in to Nando’s on the actual day … There’s nothing romantic about chicken and peri peri sauce; after such a big kafuffle and build up to valentine’s day, I think I’d be highly disappointed ending up in bloody Nando’s.