4 weeks. That's it.
Still got a list as long as my arm of things to do. Titchy bit stressed but it will all be worth it!
I heard my camp has loads of cats. This excites me so much. Imagine if I seen Kitty there (my cat that got put on gumtree)?
Just been thinking really in depth about the whole camp america thing and my journey so far.
(haha journey) I still laugh every time I say that but that's what it's been, a big emotional journey!!!
I applied September last year (2014.) I'd always had it in my head I was going to and after being in a really bad relationship for the previous year that was coming to an end, I literally just thought 'stuff it' and went along to the meeting Camp America was holding at our University.
I brought my best friend and my mam, I'd only mentioned it on a whim, thinking it was something I might possibly do the following summer but now it wasn't something I possibly MIGHT want to do - I'd made up my mind, I was doing it!
I went to the meeting, took some notes, watched some videos, found out a little bit more about what it was all about and by the end I was hooked. I remember turning around to my mam and Lauren (my best friend) saying "I am so doing this."
And now I am.
The next day, after having a pretty deep heart to heart with my friends and family, I decided to end things with my boyfriend. It hadn't been working for a long time blah blah blah and I was really unhappy. Without sounding y'know, emotional he did treat me like someone who wasn't good enough to breathe the same air as him. I had no self confidence (I promise this isn't a sob story) and for the first time in a year I needed to do something for me!!
How did that go? well ... absolutely diabolically. I won't bore you with all the grim details but picture this: Me and him screaming hate at each other outside my door step. Pretty dramatic. Very loud. Yes the neighbors think I'm crazy and I may or may not have said some things I regret which may or may not have included wishing him to crash his van. Pretty grim, like I said. Before you judge me though ... he deserved it.
Safe to say, it was a messy breakup. Very messy indeed. And somewhere in between all that I got the courage and started my application to Camp America. At the time, I was applying to get away from him but it's been 9 months now and me and him actually ended up good friends and I realise, I did it for me. I haven't even been yet and I can confidently say it's the best decision I've ever made in my life.
4 weeks till I go now. I'm not over him but that's because we did end up like I said, good friends and kind of rekindled things. Stupid move, because it prevented us both from moving on but I'm glad we did. We both changed drastically as people, I understand him more and I fell for him again, really. It's crazy how much you change in such short time and he isn't as bad as I thought he was. We just weren't meant to be together. He helped me out loads with the process, supported me, even drove me to the recruitment fair in Manchester. The "relationship" we had the time we were split up was actually better than our actual relationship and I wish him well. He wants to travel as well and go his own way, and he knew I was leaving soon so we decided to stop talking and let each other move on. Pretty mature, and a much nice ending than our previous one and I'm glad it's all ended on good terms.
So, boring bit over. I'm going to America and while I'm there, god knows what will happen. I called this whole process an emotional journey. It has been. This is the girl who got that frustrated at the recruitment fair I ended up crying in a cubicle. And the girl who started crying in central London by myself, lost, for 3 hours, no money to get home, 30 minutes till my embassy appointment, not a clue what to do and then when I got to the embassy, got arrested pretty much. (SLIGHT exaggerating) but I did forget to check my bag ... Right, I'll explain this. The embassy is pretty much like airport security, very strict. My mam is very motherly and had packed me a bag of goodies for the 7 hour coach journey I had to go on the previous night. She had included a bottle of wine. I had been so busy and stressed I never checked my bag before entering the U.S. embassy. So when I bleeped and was pulled aside by 3 security guards and then made to empty my bag in front of everyone including the massive que, It was slightly ... embarrassing. Someone I knew was even there. Typical.
I actually have no idea what to expect so I feel like I'm walking in to this blind folded. Camp America themselves are absolutely incredible, they talk you through everything, they actually couldn't be anymore helpful. I know what to expect like technically but emotionally, not a clue. I know I'll be a mix of every emotion and I know I'll probably not want to come back. Apart from to see my family and friends cause I know I'll miss them so much. I am literally so excited!!!
Common sense is telling me I'll be over my ex by the time I come home. I'm already so happy in life the way it is now and it's only going to get better. I'm a positive person, feel a bit weird posting all that gushy stuff above but this is a blog and for me to post honestly and accurately and for that to actually make sense to anyone reading it, I suppose all the background stuff is necessary for it all to make sense. So, now you know!
I'm so excited mind. Struggling to find people from my camp on social media and stuff so I feel like I'm a bit clueless but I like that, I guess I'll just have to wait till I'm there. Can't wait!!!
This post might be boring to you all? But I guess it's kind of important to myself as it's kind of personal!
God what's happening to me? being emotional and that. Anyways, I probably should start working on some of the 234567890 billion things I need to do before I leave, that could be a good start.
If you've read this far, I like you!
Chow, adios, bye.